Left Behind — Sarah Gordon

Kelsey Smith carries her daughter Hadley, 2, down the stairs while Colton, 6, aims a bow and arrow as they play on Tuesday, Jan. 9 at their home in Groton. For the past six months Smith has had to be both mom and dad as her husband, Josh, a sonar te… — Kelsey Smith carries her daughter Hadley, 2, down the stairs while Colton, 6, aims a bow and arrow as they play on Tuesday, Jan. 9 at their home in Groton. For the past six months Smith has had to be both mom and dad as her husband, Josh, a sonar technician on the USS Minnesota, is on deployment.

For the families of submarine sailors there is a cycle of life, the tearful goodbyes and the months without contact followed by joyful hellos and a grace period before it all starts again. According to one survey, 40 percent of military families experienced more than six months of family separation in the previous 18 months. For the families left behind hardships associated with submarine deployments are different than for those carrying out missions hundreds of feet below the ocean's surface. We spent six months with families of sailors serving aboard the USS Minnesota as they worked through the affects.

Hadley hugs Colton as Kelsey looks on while he gets off the bus from school on Wednesday, Nov. 8, 2017, in Groton. Hadley makes sure to give Colton a hug every morning when he goes to school and every afternoon when he gets back and is upset if they miss one. "When dad gets home he's gonna get a hug first though," Colton teased.

Colton stands on the toilet to brush his teeth while Hadley sits on the floor and tries to get toothpaste out of the tube as they get ready for bed on Thursday, Jan. 18 at their home in Groton. "I'm ready for this to be a two parent household again," said their mother Kelsey as they went through their nightly routine.

Kelsey puts her gloves on as Colton and Hadley give her hugs on Saturday, Jan. 6 as friends get together to get ready to go out at Kelsey's home in Groton. The women, whose husbands are all deployed together on the USS Minnesota, were going to a "Halfway Party" for the wives and girlfriends of men on the boat. For most of them it was the first night they'd had without their kids for the entire deployment, even if they were home by midnight.

Colton waits his turn to see the dentist as Kelsey sits with Hadley and a friend's daughter, Charlotte, 1, at the Children's Dentistry of Gales Ferry on Thursday, Nov. 16, 2017. Charlotte is the daughter of Jessica Whitman and her husband, Jacob, who is deployed on the USS Minnesota with Kelsey's husband, Josh. "They've become our family," said Kelsey of other mothers from the boat. They frequently babysit for each other and have spent holidays together.

Kelsey talks to her Colton as he cries while Hadley lies on the ground as the family spends time on a snow day playing outside on Tuesday, Jan. 30 at their home in Groton. When Colton acts out, Kelsey's instinct is to punish him, but she now pauses to think whether maybe he's misbehaving because he misses his father.

Hailey Carr, who previously worked as a medical assistant, also had a husband on the boat. She figured that after paying for child care, her take-home pay would be minimal, so she chose not to work.

Still, without her husband around, she worries whether she's making the right decisions day to day for her son. Is she being too hard on him? Did she make the right choice about his ear surgery?

"As a mom, I beat myself up all the time about doing the right thing," she said. She worries about filling two sets of shoes, being both mom and dad.

"I know I don't fulfill the dad role the best," she added. "There's things in his life that I can't relate to, like coaching a sport. Everybody else's dad is doing it. I would've helped with baseball, but he didn't want me to. He wants his dad. Video games. He wants his dad."

Colton carries a saw as he walks through trees at Geer Tree Farms as the family picks out a Christmas tree on Friday, Nov. 24, 2017. "Colton, you have to help me out, you're the man here today," Kelsey told her son as they looked for a tree. The kid… — Colton carries a saw as he walks through trees at Geer Tree Farms as the family picks out a Christmas tree on Friday, Nov. 24, 2017. "Colton, you have to help me out, you're the man here today," Kelsey told her son as they looked for a tree. The kids were worried about finding the right one, cutting it down and getting it home without their father.

For the full story, with reporting from Julia Bergman, visit The Day